Cookies

Strategy: Starting a conversation with girls by offering them cookies

Category: Might work

Our opinion: Worth a try

This is a fairly specific strategy but if all the elements somehow align it could prove successful. This is the scenario: You have checked into a hostel or some other form of co-ed dormitory accommodation and you've noticed that there are attractive girls in the room that you want to start a conversation with. Unfortunately for you, you've got nothing interesting to say. Luckily for you, however, it is evening and you're hungry so what you do is go out for a meal, specifically Subway.

At Subway: Buy your sandwich and when asked if there is anything else you buy several cookies. (N.B You must buy more cookies than there are girls. If n is the number of girls, then an appropriate equation might be n + 2, though as a general rule buying 6 cookies is a good option).

Now, you're thinking, "why the cookies? and why so many?" The cookies are the key to starting your conversation. After finishing your meal, take the cookies back to the hostel where the girls are still hopefully hanging around. The reason you bought more cookies than there are girls is so that the girls don't think you bought the cookies for them. If they thought this it would all be over as your desperation would be evident.

Offering the cookies: Hold the bag of cookies loosely in one hand and offer them each a cookie casually (but let them reach into the bag for the cookie). Nonchalance is the key here but like the use of the word it can easily be overdone so be careful. We suggest some form of white lie about the store closing so they offered an end of day discount deal which explains why you have so many. Here you can run into problems as the girls might turn their noses up at the thought of day-old cookies and here you again have to casualy reassure them that they are still good without panicking.

In an ideal world the girls will accept the cookies that you offer, thereby making a psychological connection in their minds that you have something to offer that they want. You will have demonstrated kindness, consideration and generosity while hiding your loneliness and over-eagerness. So far so good.

One problem can arise if you try and use bits of the cookies to make funny faces by holding them up to your ears, eyes, nose, chin or moustache. At no time do you want crumbs or chcolate on your face! Also, DO NOT poke a hole in the cookie and put your tongue through and attempt to adopt a funny voice. Bad idea.

Recommended cookie: Subway makes excellent cookies that are relatively cheap. The softness of their cookies is a huge asset. Available worldwide.

Recommended flavour: Choc-chip. This is a flavour that is plain enough to appeal to the masses, but also interesting enough to not be refused because of blandness. A high percentage flavour.

Disclaimer

I want to be seen for my intentions, and I want this site to be seen for its intentions. The idea for this blog began as an idea for a book. There are lots of How To manuals written for people who don't know what to do. We thought it would be fun if there was a How To manual written by people who don't know what to do. Consider this a kind of mock How To Meet Girls by Guys Who Don't Know How To Meet Girls.

My good friend, Aaron, and I started tossing ideas around and it soon became apparent that this was an idea in which we could both find endless comic potential. It started as a joke, and it continues to be a joke. The contents of this blog are not for serious consumption.

With this in mind it is important to remember that neither Aaron or I think we are casanovas. The fact is we don't know how to meet girls: we get nervous, have no idea how to make approaches, are insecure and neither of us can dance. We're just normal guys, and like normal guys we don't have a clue what we're doing when it comes to women. The contents of this blog are here to give other clueless guys something to smile about knowing that they are not alone or, if they are truly desperate, they can try and apply our loosely-named "advice". Every suggestion that appears on this site is entirely hypothetical. It may work, should all the stars align, but we are unlikely to find the courage to attempt it so it will remain a theory (though if anyone does attempt a practical implementation we would love to hear your story of success...or failure). Put simply: this blog is a celebration of the glorious ineptitude of the male gender.

Unlike Tucker Max and other blogs of a similar nature, this site is not intended to be chauvinistic, misogynistic or sexist IN ANY WAY! Any offence you experience is completely unintentional and most likely resulted from a simple misunderstanding. As moderator I will be monitoring content and posts so that nothing offensive is published. I had a fairly horrific experience with a previous blog and now I am much more cautious about what I put my name to. Also, although I will try to value everyone's opinion, I will not stand for needless, scatter-shot negativity whose sole intention is to be hurtful. If your criticisms are groundless and personal THEY WILL BE DELETED. This is an attempt to create a truly positive online community which is invited to share stories of success, failure (often funnier) and ideas they think might actually work to begin conversations with members of the opposite gender.

Keep in mind that these are not tips on how to get laid (we don't know that either). Rather they are ideas for how to start conversations with girls you are genuinely interested in, or might like if you got to know them. There are already a lot of douche-bags out there, we have no desire to create more. There will even be a section for things that definitely WILL NOT work, and a space to share tips that did work in the past.

If you are going to come to this site with an attitude of hostility and negativity then I pity you and turn you away. Find something better to do. If you're not one of us, congratulations. If you are, then welcome.

- Thomas Cox
Co-founder and developer