Playing The Bad Boy Card

Strategy: Acting tough and with a streak of douchebaggery to impress a girl

Category: Behaviour adaptation strategy

Our opinion: Not recommended unless you're confident you can pull it off

It's a universal truth: girls love a bad boy. What is important to distinguish is the difference between a bad boy (say Will Smith or the Fonz), a bad guy (like Lex Luthor or The Joker) and a bad person (like George Costanza).

Note that bad boys are categorised by atittude and style. Their seeming indifference is the key to their appeal.

Bad guys, however, usually have some form of unique and unattractive appearance and plans to take over the world (though thankfully they are almost always thwarted by men in tights and capes).

A bad person is someone with low social and moral value. The example here is lazy and self-centred. This is not the impression you want to give to girls you have just met.

If you're trying to act like a bad boy to impress girls you're going to want them to believe you don't care, that you're in control of your feelings (maybe even get them to question that you have any), that you've been in fights and won and that you have strong convictions. This will be desirable traits. What you don't want to do is be overly chauvinistic or arrogant. These are off-putting. Don't overdo the attitude either.

For example: saying "Get me a beer, bitch" to a girl you've just met is going WAY too far. Also if you ask her a question, don't say "I don't care" after she finishes answering.

You'll have to walk a thin line to get this one right, but we're sure it is possible. If in doubt, think "What would Will Smith do?"

Cookies

Strategy: Starting a conversation with girls by offering them cookies

Category: Might work

Our opinion: Worth a try

This is a fairly specific strategy but if all the elements somehow align it could prove successful. This is the scenario: You have checked into a hostel or some other form of co-ed dormitory accommodation and you've noticed that there are attractive girls in the room that you want to start a conversation with. Unfortunately for you, you've got nothing interesting to say. Luckily for you, however, it is evening and you're hungry so what you do is go out for a meal, specifically Subway.

At Subway: Buy your sandwich and when asked if there is anything else you buy several cookies. (N.B You must buy more cookies than there are girls. If n is the number of girls, then an appropriate equation might be n + 2, though as a general rule buying 6 cookies is a good option).

Now, you're thinking, "why the cookies? and why so many?" The cookies are the key to starting your conversation. After finishing your meal, take the cookies back to the hostel where the girls are still hopefully hanging around. The reason you bought more cookies than there are girls is so that the girls don't think you bought the cookies for them. If they thought this it would all be over as your desperation would be evident.

Offering the cookies: Hold the bag of cookies loosely in one hand and offer them each a cookie casually (but let them reach into the bag for the cookie). Nonchalance is the key here but like the use of the word it can easily be overdone so be careful. We suggest some form of white lie about the store closing so they offered an end of day discount deal which explains why you have so many. Here you can run into problems as the girls might turn their noses up at the thought of day-old cookies and here you again have to casualy reassure them that they are still good without panicking.

In an ideal world the girls will accept the cookies that you offer, thereby making a psychological connection in their minds that you have something to offer that they want. You will have demonstrated kindness, consideration and generosity while hiding your loneliness and over-eagerness. So far so good.

One problem can arise if you try and use bits of the cookies to make funny faces by holding them up to your ears, eyes, nose, chin or moustache. At no time do you want crumbs or chcolate on your face! Also, DO NOT poke a hole in the cookie and put your tongue through and attempt to adopt a funny voice. Bad idea.

Recommended cookie: Subway makes excellent cookies that are relatively cheap. The softness of their cookies is a huge asset. Available worldwide.

Recommended flavour: Choc-chip. This is a flavour that is plain enough to appeal to the masses, but also interesting enough to not be refused because of blandness. A high percentage flavour.

Moist

Strategy: Saying the word "moist"

Category: General life tip

Our Opinion:  Not recommended

Let's face it: people hate the word "moist". For whatever reason the word now has a stigma attached to it and every time it is spoken someone is inevitably going to mention how much they hate that word. How did you react when you saw it as the title of this blog post? Exactly. I've never met ANYONE, in all my years of life, that embraces or enjoys that word. That's not to say those people don't exist, I'm sure they do, but they are few and far between. Some people claim they like the word but often I think this is just an attempt to get attention by going against the norm: anyone can see that it makes them uncomfortable.

The good news? It is not a word that you EVER have to say, so it can be easily avoided. I've found that women in particular find this word unsettling so if possible avoid letting it slip during the courting process. Preferably you will never say it again in your everyday life. If you like to bake cakes and muffins then I'm sorry, but if you can't help describing your tasty goods as "moist" please don't subject other people to hearing the word.

Check out this article for more on word aversion:
http://www.good.is/post/why-do-we-hate-the-word-moist/




Coming soon (on a related note)...Cookies.

Thrusting

Strategy: Thrusting

Category: Definitely will not work

Our opinion: Not recommended

Thrusting is NEVER an appropriate strategy to impress girls. Not ever.

We urge you to avoid the temptation to do so at all costs.

You might argue that a thrusting action is necessary to accompany any recitation of the hilarious quote from The Simpsons: "Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem."

Our rebuttal would be that the quote is funny enough to stand alone and accompanying it with the action would in no way enhance the humour of the situation. (Also, if you are trying to impress girls, relying on quotes to be funny is an indication you're in trouble.)

Disclaimer

I want to be seen for my intentions, and I want this site to be seen for its intentions. The idea for this blog began as an idea for a book. There are lots of How To manuals written for people who don't know what to do. We thought it would be fun if there was a How To manual written by people who don't know what to do. Consider this a kind of mock How To Meet Girls by Guys Who Don't Know How To Meet Girls.

My good friend, Aaron, and I started tossing ideas around and it soon became apparent that this was an idea in which we could both find endless comic potential. It started as a joke, and it continues to be a joke. The contents of this blog are not for serious consumption.

With this in mind it is important to remember that neither Aaron or I think we are casanovas. The fact is we don't know how to meet girls: we get nervous, have no idea how to make approaches, are insecure and neither of us can dance. We're just normal guys, and like normal guys we don't have a clue what we're doing when it comes to women. The contents of this blog are here to give other clueless guys something to smile about knowing that they are not alone or, if they are truly desperate, they can try and apply our loosely-named "advice". Every suggestion that appears on this site is entirely hypothetical. It may work, should all the stars align, but we are unlikely to find the courage to attempt it so it will remain a theory (though if anyone does attempt a practical implementation we would love to hear your story of success...or failure). Put simply: this blog is a celebration of the glorious ineptitude of the male gender.

Unlike Tucker Max and other blogs of a similar nature, this site is not intended to be chauvinistic, misogynistic or sexist IN ANY WAY! Any offence you experience is completely unintentional and most likely resulted from a simple misunderstanding. As moderator I will be monitoring content and posts so that nothing offensive is published. I had a fairly horrific experience with a previous blog and now I am much more cautious about what I put my name to. Also, although I will try to value everyone's opinion, I will not stand for needless, scatter-shot negativity whose sole intention is to be hurtful. If your criticisms are groundless and personal THEY WILL BE DELETED. This is an attempt to create a truly positive online community which is invited to share stories of success, failure (often funnier) and ideas they think might actually work to begin conversations with members of the opposite gender.

Keep in mind that these are not tips on how to get laid (we don't know that either). Rather they are ideas for how to start conversations with girls you are genuinely interested in, or might like if you got to know them. There are already a lot of douche-bags out there, we have no desire to create more. There will even be a section for things that definitely WILL NOT work, and a space to share tips that did work in the past.

If you are going to come to this site with an attitude of hostility and negativity then I pity you and turn you away. Find something better to do. If you're not one of us, congratulations. If you are, then welcome.

- Thomas Cox
Co-founder and developer